Don't leave your baby to cry. Tulle, respond, be present.

Sleepless nights, interrupted naps, sleep interrupted by a crying baby - all parents know this. Newborns, like babies, sleep a lot and cry a lot. Crying is the only method for them to communicate their needs at this stage of development. They cry because hunger, thirst, need for closeness or symptoms related to, for example, colic. Parents - especially mothers - tired of constant lack of sleep, often decide on the so-called "sleep training". In this way, they want to get the child used to sleeping alone and get some more time for themselves.

What does a child feel when he cries alone?

A baby, left alone in a bed to sleep, cries. Feels confused and abandoned when a caregiver - usually the mother - disappears. Meanwhile, many "sleep trainers" recommend leaving your baby to "cry it out". These "experts" recommend not to give in to the desperate calls of the abandoned baby, but to wait it out. Eventually the baby will stop crying, and after a few days he will stop crying altogether. He will know that no one will respond to his call anyway.

This method was invented by an American doctor, Richard Ferber, who believes that the baby should cry until it calms down and falls asleep. It still has many supporters among parents tired of their children's "sleep disorders". Meanwhile, the outstanding anthropologist prof. James McKenna, founder of the Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory at the University of Notre Dame, who has been studying the sleep of mothers and babies for decades, says: “… when it comes to sleep, whatever your baby does, it's normal. If anything can destroy a parent's joy in having a baby, it is their expectations about how and when their baby should sleep ^. Therefore, giving good advice on how and when your baby should sleep and calling his sleep rhythm a "disorder" is a mistake. Even if he cries and doesn't sleep through the night. In addition, a mistake that can cost a lot. Especially if we try to "train" the child by leaving him alone to cry.

Why is the "cry it yourself" method contrary to nature?

First of all, people are "wearers". We are creatures designed to spend the first months and years of life in our arms, close to our mother . This gives us a sense of security, which is disturbed if there is too little closeness. This is why children like to sleep in scarves so much. They feel safe there, warmly wrapped, and listening to the rhythm of their mother's heart. Scientific research confirms that when mothers do not touch their children for a long time, the children's bodies enter "survival mode." DNA synthesis stops and the level of growth hormone decreases ² .

Second, leaving your baby to cry and then calm down makes your baby feel like his or her basic needs are being ignored . They cry, call for mom or dad, signal that they don't feel safe - and no one comes. They feel abandoned, threatened, ignored, and finally, tearful, falling asleep from physical exhaustion by crying. This makes them have little confidence in themselves and their abilities in the future. From an early age, they have a pattern in their heads that their needs are not important. Scientists claim that such children are also more prone to aggressive behavior later in life ³ .

If a baby cries for a long time, it disturbs its brain development.

There is also a strictly biological dimension of prolonged crying and its effects. It causes irreversible changes in the toddler's brain , which is confirmed by many scientific studies ⁴ . The brain develops most intensively during the first 5 years of a child's life. As much as 90% of the development of this organ occurs during this critical time. When we leave a crying baby alone in his bed, we expose him to stress. This disturbs the biochemical balance of the brain ⁵ .

During intense, prolonged crying, the body produces the stress hormone cortisol. Its high levels, remaining in the body for several days, may cause an increase in blood pressure in the brain, problems with thermoregulation, heart rhythm disturbances, and lower body immunity. Such stress also prevents the formation of new connections between neurons ^6. This is especially dangerous for the brain, which is still developing. No one knows when and in what form of disorder/disease it will manifest itself later in life.

Long-term stress also causes the death of existing cells in the hippocampus. Children who were trained using the "cry it out" method have a lower IQ than those whose parents were not supporters of this method. In addition, toddlers cannot calm down on their own because their brains do not yet have the appropriate tools to control emotions. Stress caused by prolonged crying can also damage the vagus nerve. And this may cause digestive problems and, for example, irritable bowel syndrome later in life ⁷ .

It is also worth adding that the cry-it-out method is a relic of the past , when there was no knowledge about the importance of closeness, for example in creating a bond between a child and a caregiver. In the 19th century, it was believed that children should not be touched too often so as not to spread germs, and in the 1930s, behaviorist John Watson argued that too much mother's love and closeness had a negative impact on children.

Bibliography:

1. Stein A., “Cry it out, or cry it out yourself. A few reasons why it's not for us." Dziecisąmotywe.pl, accessed December 23, 2021.
2. Narvaez DF, “How to Grow a Smart Baby.” Psychology Today, January 24, 2011
3. Burbidge A., “Letting Babies Cry – The Facts Behind the Studies.” La Leche League GB, 2016
4. Narvaez DF “Dangers of “Crying It Out”. Psychology Today, December 11, 2011
5. “The Foundations of Lifelong Health Are Built in Early Childhood”, National Scientific Council On The Developing Child, Harvard University. Accessed December 23, 2021.
6. Thomas RM, Hotsenpiller G., Peterson DA, “Acute psychosocial stress reduces cell survival in adult hippocampal neurogenesis without altering proliferation.” J Neurosci. 2007
7. Narvaez DF “Dangers of “Crying It Out”. Psychology Today, December 11, 2011