“Early development” of the child – faster does not mean better.

It would seem that when the approach of educator Jasper Juul , who promoted closeness parenting and an approach to children known as non-violent communication, gained enormous popularity, parents around the world understood how important a calm, joyful and long childhood is for human development . However, it turns out that parents still count, calculate and compare their children with others, hoping that they will somehow magically accelerate their child's development . The only question is: why?

Why do parents want their child to develop faster?

The Swiss psychologist Jean Piaget , who traveled a lot and gave lectures on children's development during his trips, told an anecdote. When he was talking about how a child's mind develops - and this was in the United States - someone from the audience asked him a question: But how to make this mind develop faster ?

Learning chess, Chinese, taking part in activities designed to improve children's cognitive skills, and other activities known as "early development" fall under the concept of viewing children as investments participating in a competition. This approach causes us to ruin their childhood . And childhood, as Ryszard Kapuściński so insightfully wrote, is a season that lasts our whole life. Literally. What we experience in childhood, what and how we learn, influences our entire later life . It turns out that a long childhood, undisturbed by parents' dreams of a "return on investment" as soon as possible, is the key to a happy life and proper growth.

A long childhood means a well-developed brain.

A very interesting approach in this regard are the thoughts of Willem Frankehuis and Daniel Nettle, who focused on the biological concept of the "history of life". Well, the life history of an animal consists of how long it lives, how much it takes care of its young and how long it takes for the young to mature. It turns out that the "slow" history of life is associated with a big, smart brain . The smartest mammals and birds - chimpanzees and ravens - have really long childhoods, and their parents take care of them very carefully. It is similar in the case of humans - among mammals we have an exceptionally long period of childhood and adolescence . And the most developed brain .

It seems absolutely obvious, but the recipe for a happy, balanced and healthy life is simply love and care . Not upbringing, but accompaniment. Not teaching, but leading. Giving your child time, simply. And not disturbing... play , which - although it may seem trivial and unnecessary to us, adults - is crucial in a child's development . It is then that he observes, learns, tests his own and others' limits, explores everything around him and develops fine and gross motor skills. When he jumps, rolls, goes down the slide, swings on the swing - he learns.

Why is regular play more important than "early development"?

“What is the first thing a child does when left alone? He is playing . And if the child were not disturbed, he would always play," wrote Andre Stern, a French promoter of alternative education and - for many - a guru in raising children in a calm, close and enthusiastic way, in the book "Play". And he asks: "So why do we keep disturbing a child who is playing?"

Exactly: why? Through play, children learn, get to know the world and feel fulfilled . Yes, fulfilled - play gives children a sense of deep fulfillment.

Over the centuries, there has been a huge change in the approach to childhood. First, there was indifference towards this stage in human life - hundreds of years ago, child mortality was very high, which may be the reason for this approach. Then, children were perceived as anonymous beings - children were not treated as future adults. But now we have come to see that these small, fragile creatures are little people . The biggest change took place in the 20th century, and the last few decades have brought a lot of research on childhood and the importance of this period in human life .

Building relationships in childhood is more important than "early development."

Finally, it was noticed - and today this trend is particularly clear - that " a child is one of the subjects in the two-subject relationship between an adult and a child. And through appropriate upbringing and the socialization model adopted from an early age, children can learn to be a partner in a relationship with another person. This is the basis for building relationships with other people throughout life," wrote Karolina Apelt in her work "Child and childhood in the eyes of an adult."

And building this relationship takes time. Therefore, let's not disturb the children, let's not rush them . Let's just be, let's accompany, let's love. This is the best recipe for successful adulthood .

Bibliography:

1. Alison Gopnik, “What Children Lose When Their Brains Develop Too Fast,” The Wall Street Journal, December 9, 2021.
2. Appelt, K. (2001). A child and childhood in the eyes of an adult. In: D. Kornas-Biela (ed.), Faces of childhood (pp. 285-307). Lublin: Publishing House of the Scientific Society of the Catholic University of Lublin.