Sleeping with your baby: together or separately?

Proponents of sleeping with children argue that sharing a bed has a positive impact on the child's relationship with its parent , helps the child build independence and self-confidence, and has a number of advantages for the child, including medical ones. Opponents, including the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), say it is too dangerous . Why? Due to SIDS, i.e. sudden infant death syndrome. A newborn or infant has no chance or ability to turn around or change position if trapped next to the body of a sleeping parent.

Disadvantages of sleeping with your baby.

The AAP strongly recommends that you only share a bed with children who are over one year old. Those that are mobile and agile enough to be able to free themselves from the trap in the event of potential danger. This is why the AAP recommends sleeping in the same room as your newborn and infant, but in separate beds .

Statistics (in the United States) show that one in 16,400 children may die while sleeping with their parents (data apply to children under 1 year of age). This risk decreases significantly when the child sleeps in the same room, but in its own bed or cradle. It is 1 in 46,000. AAP specialists emphasize, as do other experts, that co-sleeping with children should generally be avoided by people who drink alcohol, take strong medications - e.g. sleeping pills - or use illegal drugs . In 2017, a study was conducted involving families with very low income. It turned out that these toddlers who shared a bed with their parents had a negative impact on both social behavior and cognitive abilities. Researchers emphasized, however, that in these situations it was not so much about sleeping together, but about the entire life situation, mainly social and economic factors. These are common reasons why families decide to sleep in the same bed. Many children simply do not have the conditions to provide each child with not only a separate room, but also a bed.

Benefits of co-sleeping with your baby.

Prof. does not agree with the AAP position. John McKenna, an anthropologist who spent decades studying how co-sleeping affects parents and children. In an article for Human Nature magazine, which is over 20 years old (because it was published in 1997), McKenna, the guru of safe sleep for parents with children, wrote: " Mothers have always slept with their children (...) Only for 200 years, "mostly in Western societies, parents have come to consider it socially and biologically appropriate for mothers and children to sleep separately."

The anthropologist conducted research at the University of California's Irvine School of Medicine. The researchers observed mothers and their babies sleeping with them for three consecutive nights. During this time, they recorded the mother's and child's heart rhythm and brain waves using a polygraph. They recorded breathing, body temperature and feeding method. As it turned out? Pairs of mothers and babies who slept together responded to each other's movements more quickly and spent more time in the lighter stages of sleep.

Those babies who slept with their mothers were fed twice as often and cried much less often. They felt less stress and secreted less of the hormone cortisol, which has a negative impact on the body. In addition , mothers who slept with their babies slept at least as long as those who slept separately . “Besides the fact that the children were better fed and better protected, they had constant access to their mother's presence, her smell, touch and warmth. This may even compensate for children's neurological immaturity at birth," McKenna writes.

In addition, the anthropologist argues, co-sleeping protects babies against sudden infant death , which the researcher calls "a heartbreaking and mysterious killer." Why? Children who share a bed with their mothers sleep easier, eat more often and respond faster to their mother's awakenings. At the same time , a mother who sleeps with her baby can quickly respond to his needs . The researcher cites statistics, writing that changing the approach to other sleeping habits has a significant impact on the decline in the number of tragic deaths in the cradle: in 1992, the AAP recommended that babies be placed on their backs, not on their stomachs, to sleep. The number of cot deaths then decreased by 30%. However, McKenna emphasizes that these relationships should be thoroughly examined and the potential dangers of co-sleeping should be considered. He mainly mentions smoking, alcohol consumption and drug use by parents.

The British National Institute for Health Research also draws attention to the fact that trying to separate a baby from its mother too early and "training to sleep independently" in the first 6 months of a child's life are dangerous . Namely, they make the baby cry more. They also promote "cessation of breastfeeding, increase the mother's sense of anxiety and, if the baby has to sleep in a separate room, increase the risk of cot death."

So: sleep together with your child or separately?

The answer is not clear. Experts also have different opinions on this. When we spend most of our time at work or nervously trying to organize logistics, evenings together and nighttime cuddles are priceless. They build bonds and give a sense of security to both children and parents who feel guilty for not spending enough time with their children. On the other hand, we live in an era of individualism, when everyone values ​​their own space. Parents, exhausted by the daily rush - also. Especially since it is difficult to have any intimacy and sex when we are accompanied by a sleeping toddler in bed , who takes up on average ¾ of the bed.

The argument about sleeping apart gained a lot of popularity in the 1960s when Dr. Spock, the author of best-selling parenting books that have sold millions of copies worldwide, advised sleeping separately. And if a baby's crying caused a lot of stress for parents, he recommended placing a towel under the door to muffle the cry of the baby calling for its mother. His idea was continued by Ruchard Farber, author of the "cry it out" concept, which postulates leaving small children alone to "cry it out". However, such approaches, which put parents' "comfort" first, pose a significant threat to the psyche and health of a small child. You can read more about this in a separate article .

Bibliography:

1. McKenna J., “Bedtime Story: Co-sleeping Research.” The Natural Child Project, 1997
2. McKenna J., “Safe Infant Sleep.” Accessed December 23, 2021.
3. Barth L., “Is Co-Sleeping with Toddlers OK? Safety, Benefits, and Drawbacks.” Healthline.com, June 29, 2020
4. Moon RY, “How to Keep Your Sleeping Baby Safe: AAP Policy Explained.” Healthychildren.org, January 6, 2021
5. Divecha D., “How Cosleeping Can Help You and Your Baby.” Greater Good Magazine, February 7, 2020
6. Carter M., “Co-Sleeping: The Pros and Cons of a Family Bed.” Parents.com, July 7, 2020
7. Hunt J., “Ten Reasons to Sleep Next to Your Child at Night.” The Natural Child Project, accessed December 23, 2021.
8. Douglas PS, Hill PS, “Behavioral sleep interventions in the first six months of life do not improve outcomes for mothers or infants: a systematic review.” J Dev Behav Pediatrician. 2013