Every year, millions of people around the world decide to change their lives, and the date after which it is supposed to be easier is the New Year. We say goodbye to the old one, hoping that in this new one it will be easier for us to be a better version of ourselves. Unfortunately, as meticulous calculations show, as many as one third of the resolutions have no chance of being implemented because those who made them give up on them within a month. Why is it so difficult to implement changes that are good?
There are several reasons. Firstly, moved by our own desire to change (and improve), we do not choose resolutions that are appropriate for us, often guided not so much by our own desires, but by the expectations of those around us. For example, in our circle of friends almost everyone goes to the gym, so we feel a bit uncomfortable that we are not part of this group. So we decide that this will change in the New Year - even if we naturally hate exercising. Choosing such a resolution that is incompatible with our lifestyle and preferences is a guarantee of failure. Let's choose something that is more "ours": if we really want to start exercising, let's choose something that is closer to us. These can be walks, swimming twice a week or dance lessons. Or dancing at home. Or maybe yoga?
Second, our goals are not realistic. If we didn't read any book last year - due to lack of time or any other reason - we probably won't suddenly rush to the home library, devouring three books a week. To be successful, you need to set a goal that is achievable, and its achievement is possible thanks to the small steps method . I don't read much? I will read one more book! I don't read at all? I will read several pages a day. And that's it, that's enough to have a sense of agency and feel change. It may not be great at first, but it will not lead to a destructive sense of frustration. Too much demand for yourself will lead to equally great disappointment and, consequently, to a lower sense of self-esteem. But that's not what this is about.
Prof. draws attention to a very interesting aspect. Gabriele Oettingen, a psychologist from New York University, who talks about the role of positive thinking in the entire change process. The scientist points out that while positive thinking usually helps to achieve a goal, it can also be an obstacle. "The more people fantasize about their future success, the less they do to actually achieve it," she said in an interview with the New York Times. Why? “They have already experienced a positive change in their heads, so they relax. These positive scenarios are helpful in considering various possibilities for the future, but they stand in the way of putting in the effort needed to make these scenarios a reality," she added.
It is also important how we enforce our New Year's (or any other) resolutions. Usually, we simply demand too much from ourselves, and when we fail, we willingly whip ourselves as a punishment (metaphorically, of course) and give up on the goal, concluding that "we failed anyway." It is worth remembering that there is no victory without defeat, and this can simply be treated as an opportunity to learn and draw a lesson.
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